A prominent theme emerged among some coaching clients and others I have been engaged with over the past few weeks. It is the theme of ‘holding on’ to past hurts.
One manager talked about incidences that happened in the past with other members of the leadership team that made her feel de-valued and as a result she has disengaged from being a full participant in the team. Another senior executive talked about a challenging situation with a colleague that has caused him to consider leaving the company. As we explored further it became very apparent that ‘holding on’ to these past hurts were limiting their current contribution and potentially their careers. In essence...what they are holding on to was holding them back!
Why is letting go so hard? If we let go, what are we losing?
At a recent Women of Distinction event, each table was given a question to discuss. The question was, “What do you dream of doing that you have not given yourself permission to try?” There were a variety of answers; travel destinations they long to visit, reviving an old hobby, taking some risks, etc. As I was about to close out the conversation, an older woman got up from her table, made her way to the stage, took hold of the microphone and said these words, “I dream of letting go of hate.” She briefly shared that her table discussion was around the topic of hatred and how there was a realization among them that they had not given themselves permission to forgive someone for past hurts. She went on to say she realized that ‘not forgiving’ was only hurting and limiting her. There was dead silence in a room of 100 women as she spoke.
As I discovered with my clients, forgiveness is a challenging topic. I thought the definition of forgiveness that appears in this short video was quite brilliant and offered a different perspective:
One manager talked about incidences that happened in the past with other members of the leadership team that made her feel de-valued and as a result she has disengaged from being a full participant in the team. Another senior executive talked about a challenging situation with a colleague that has caused him to consider leaving the company. As we explored further it became very apparent that ‘holding on’ to these past hurts were limiting their current contribution and potentially their careers. In essence...what they are holding on to was holding them back!
Why is letting go so hard? If we let go, what are we losing?
At a recent Women of Distinction event, each table was given a question to discuss. The question was, “What do you dream of doing that you have not given yourself permission to try?” There were a variety of answers; travel destinations they long to visit, reviving an old hobby, taking some risks, etc. As I was about to close out the conversation, an older woman got up from her table, made her way to the stage, took hold of the microphone and said these words, “I dream of letting go of hate.” She briefly shared that her table discussion was around the topic of hatred and how there was a realization among them that they had not given themselves permission to forgive someone for past hurts. She went on to say she realized that ‘not forgiving’ was only hurting and limiting her. There was dead silence in a room of 100 women as she spoke.
- How has ‘holding on’ limited you and held you back?
- How could ‘letting go’ or ‘giving yourself permission to forgive’ free you and propel you forward?
As I discovered with my clients, forgiveness is a challenging topic. I thought the definition of forgiveness that appears in this short video was quite brilliant and offered a different perspective:
3 Ways to Propel Yourself Forward:
- Identify the 'hurt', perhaps talk to someone you trust to give you an objective perspective.
- Ask yourself, "what's the gift in what I learned from that person/situation?"
- Envision what you want for yourself and put together an action plan to move toward that vision.
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